Dean Spade: Love In A F*cked-Up World
By Xandan Gulley
"Love In A Fxxked Up World" written by Dean Spade is the personification of figuring out life regarding the stigmas and preconceived notions of society concerning love, sexual gratification, cultural liberation and inhibition, friendship, romance and conflict.
We live in a society where there is an intense urgency to express ourselves by any means necessary. Understanding our personal experiences of emotions when it comes to fear, our demands, happiness, sadness, resentment and any other inexplicable feelings we as humans possess, can often be opposing, pitting the human mind and heart against each other. This internalizing polarity is self sabotage in a coiled, unpredictable depiction of expression that is prevalent yet scripted within society.
In a world today where love and romance is all but non-existential, "Love In A Fxxked Up World" resonates a campaign for a revival where it pertains to relationships and the love and romance that is supposed to blossom. From tackling myths about love and romance in relationships to emphasizing the surfaces of our wounds we have received or inflicted from relationships to stressing the pros and cons of healing and the epiphany of humanization, a social movement will evolve from this book.
In this pleasantly graphic and distinctive self-help book, Dean, who dedicated this book to lovers and fighters, gets to the nucleus of the matter, hitting the core of truths, thoughts, opinions and dismissals when it comes to love in a fxxked up world.
Compulsive relationships, addictive relationships, breakup spiraling, relationship deception, obsessive thinking and crushing, toxic sexual behavior, attention seeking are just a few objectives Dean projects when reflecting on if you're reckless, lonely, a liability, have no friends, have difficulty keeping a relationship, keep having the same breakup or just plain dysfunctional.
If the title alone didn't captivate your attention then reading the first chapter will definitely intrigue you to the point of feeling caught in a spider web. You'll have no choice but to finish the book to determine whether or not you're a part of the solution or the problem.
What is love? Apparently, a societal norm that is structured into complex intricacies of sex and romance that are woven from jealousy, mistrust, unchecked low self-esteem and insecurity that end in sabotage, explosive destruction, negativity and hatred. The mainstream idea of love in this society today where social media and our peers dominate every aspect of our lives, has a distorted illusion that epitomizes hurt and harm. Dean illustrates the toxicity of the world by pointing out the highs and lows of this systemic cultural conditioning.
Throughout the book an incalculable amount of questions are directed at the reader, targeting our childhood, whether or not we have compassion, our expectations, desires, needs and more. Two questions in particular that hit home rousing a conundrum within was "what are my values" and "how do I express myself". I found myself pondering the answers in deep thought. What harmful cultural message does the concept of love send in this fxxked up world? These conflicts are factors of relational dynamics that come with unrealistic expectations.
Dean challenges the reader to acknowledge their flaws and strengths throughout the reading. The book shows how to prioritize and build a romantic connection based on a supportive and liberated foundation with principles. It even points out practical steps to take when wanting or trying to overcome that tangled mass of toxicity many possess when it comes to relationship enigmas. Dean maps out the overall projection of how to destigmatize, channel healthy relationship energy, practice healthy romance, emotions and techniques for listening.
This book has so much to offer. Dean surely painted a mural pertaining to the myths of love and romance. Dare to find out the taboo of love and romance if you have the strength to admit where you've played a part in this fxxked world. I found myself participating in a much needed introspection where I found healing and closure that I didn't think or knew I needed.
Dean Spade, whom is also Trans such as myself, definitely hit it on the nail concerning the emergent capacity of the need for freedom and justice in a social movement for true love. The part that struck me the most was when Dean quoted the famous feminist slogan "the personal is political". As a trans feminist myself I could relate throughout the entire reading. By the time I was halfway through with "Love In A Fxxked Up World", I knew as a person who desires love, I needed to end the narrative of how society paints this toxic portrait of love and free myself from cultural conditioning.
Read this book if you are searching for self discovery, in need of answers to life where there was a dead end, actually desire and want a long lasting relationship and/friendship, looking for healing and/or have revolutionary energy that need to be channeled when it comes to feminism. Dean's radical but emotional trajectory in his writings is the revolution when it comes to feminist politics.
Xandan Gulley is a F2M transgender (he/him) incarcerated under the legal name Britney Gulley in a Texas prison. Xandan has spent over 12 years in solitary confinement for his gender identity and as retribution for his exposés unveiling the inhumane conditions that transgenders prisoners face daily. Some of Xandan's published work can be found in LGBTQ Nation, Black Lipstick, The Advocate, San Francisco Bayview, Prism and Texas Letters. Xandan was a 2023 recipient for the Ridgeway Reporting Project grant. You can write to Xandan through Securus: Britney Gulley / ID#01601283 / Texas Department of Criminal Justice / Murray Unit.